Tuesday, October 14, 2008
I wonder if my threshold for stress has gone down, or are things really too much for me to handle. Have I gone weaker mentally or is it just natural for me to behave like this?
I've lost count of the number of times I've broke down this year. To make it to new record is last Friday where I broke down in my boss' room in front of her. I was holding back tears, trying not to show any emotion on my face. But just as the meeting was about to end, I couldn't control myself anymore and tears started rolling down.
My boss was damn calm about it and silently handed me a huge wade of tissue. While I sobbed, she started telling me how she coped with things in an especially chirpy voice. She assured me I was doing very well and I need not worry and blah! And the conversation ended with a hug from her.
I walked out in total silence, went back to my cubicle (which was already dark coz everyone else had went off lunch) and started sobbing uncontrollably. It lasted for about 1 hour, just before everyone else came back from lunch. And yes, I skipped lunch that day.
Then it came to evening. I thought I had settled myself down mentally. But when SMSes from my boss started coming in, I started crying again alone in the office at about 8pm. But I guess it was more of a nice warm fuzzy feeling than a lousy one. I was kinda touched by what my boss said. Good advices from someone who has somewhat went through the same thing, and perhaps tougher.
And so, my weekend went well. Stayed at home to finish up that report that was originally due on Sunday. Apparently no one else in my group finished it and sent it over other than myself and 2 others. The irony is, the 3 of us are working while the rest are not. If we as working adults can complete it in time, I don't see why is it so difficult for the rest to handle their portions. Oh well! The whole pain of project work, project mates, deadlines and crap are all coming back to me now...
// she's beautifully chaotic at 12:46 AM >> 