Wednesday, July 04, 2007
I created this new post, with my mind flooded with thoughts, feelings, words that I wanna expel outta myself so much. But now as I get down to writing it, nothing seems to be able to be released.
My life was filled with sweet rainbows, leaping unicorns, happy fairies & all just a few weeks back. Actually, 2 weeks back to be exact. It all came tumbling down when I received that fateful email from my sensei. Remember how exhilarated I was over the last gathering/outing/chalet my sensei assigned me to plan for? Well, it's all not gonna happen. Never ever. I was damn depressed last week. Was badly affected by the whole sudden decision made by my sensei. She'll be flying back home on 24 July, and it seems she doesn't have time to meet-up, or perhaps she doesn't want to. She didn't reply my SMS until like the next morning & her reply was the weirdest of all weird. It scared me to death at that point. And there's was no reply from her after I sent my 2nd SMS to her. Then, she finally replied my email like a few days later. And she totally avoided all my questions and starting talking about other stuffs. From what it seems now, I won't be able to see her at all till perhaps August when she visits Singapore again for just 1 day before flying off to Bangkok for holiday.
I decided to just totally respect her decision & let her be & do for what she wants to, and not flood her with whys & putting my sorrows onto her. Respecting decisions made is also a form of love I guess. I just hope she's fine & managing well. She seems so much like a bottled-up person that won't open up to anyone. Or maybe she feels the need to put up a strong front for all of us since she's the sensei, the senior, the one supposedly to be giving us advice, encouragement & all. It's about time she put down this load. It's too heavy for her utterly fatigued self.
On the other hand, my own life hasn't been too good as well. Another story for another time. For now, I just need a break. A total getaway from all the bread & butter stuffs, the daily struggles I have to deal with, the everyday of life. I'm about to explode too. Or maybe it's for the better.
// she's beautifully chaotic at 2:26 AM >> 