// i d l e . t h o u g h t s; that matter ________
Monday, October 26, 2009
Okay, you would have realised by now that this blog is on the verge of closing down. I'm so uninspired to blog these days. Haven't been updating my shopping blog either. This may jolly well be my last post here before I abandon this blog totally.

Updates! Many things happened over the past (almost two) month(s). I don't even know how to start!

First, buddy has tendered (and already started work at her new place) and now I'm left all alone at the workplace. The first week without buddy was long and unbearable. I missed her so much that every single thing would just trigger the tear glands in me. Some of the more sensitive colleagues realised I was going through an emotion rollercoaster ride and were all nice to invite me along for their lunches. My boss is another sweet one. She became extra gentle to me as soon as she heard my buddy was leaving. For fear of me leaving too maybe. Ha!

Well, I'm slowly getting used to the office without buddy. So far so good. We've been SMS-ing each other quite abit and saying how much we miss each other. We just met over the weekend in fact. Nothing's changed, we're still the old us wasting our afternoon away over our favourite scones & earl grey.

Second, I went Japan (again) earlier this October with buddy. It was supposed to be a re-charge trip for both of us but we end up being more tired than ever. It was one of the worst trip I ever had, considering that it's my beloved Japan we are talking about here. It was disastrous (as buddy would like to call it) and experiential (as I would like to consider it as). We so need another holiday to make up for it despite being extremely B-R-O-K-E.

Third, I hate my work more than ever now. I wake up every morning thinking "I don't want to go to work today." And when I get out of the house and am on the way to work in the train, I would start thinking "Maybe I should take half-day today." When I finally get into office, I would sigh and ask myself "Why isn't it time to knock-off yet?" Sigh! The signs are clear. I need a new job. I need new inspirations. I need a reason to work, not just look forward to payday. It's miserable.

// she's beautifully chaotic at 12:43 AM >>

Tuesday, September 01, 2009
I think I am showing signs of PMS again. Buddy told me (more than once) that my PMS are very obvious and serious. She is so right about me. I know I am throwing tantrums due to PMS, yet I can't helm or do anything to it. That's why it's called PMS I guess. Sorry buddy and thanks for loving me. You know I love you too! <3

And thanks to my PMS, I've been saying wrong things for the past few days. Mostly to buddy or in relation to her. I feel like slapping myself now for blurting things that should have been kept hush. Like today, I shouldn't have said something to her but I did. It was nothing hurtful, but just that it would have been better for us if I didn't say it. Or maybe better for me? All in all, I'm feeling damn insecure again. I just wish things wouldn't change for us and just remain status quo. But something is telling me the wind is changing its direction soon and I'm not sure if I'm ready for it. Gawd! I so need to snap out of this!!!

On a happy note, buddy and I are planning for a holiday. The dates keep changing (From Oct to Nov, and now to Sep) but yes, we are planning for a (or maybe two?) holiday(s) this year-end. We deserve a break.

// she's beautifully chaotic at 11:39 PM >>

Sunday, August 23, 2009
I began to wonder the other day why has eating lunch become such an awkward situation. It is supposed to be our own free time for goodness sake!

Earlier last week, buddy and I were going for lunch and we bumped into another colleague in the Ladies. That colleague asked if we were going for lunch and if we want to eat together. Buddy and I kept quiet for 5 seconds, looked and each other and we got each other's hint. At the 6th second, that colleague said, "Why? You all don't want to eat with me ah? Ok lah, I know lah...the two of you super lovey dovey." We laughed at her comment and I switched topic. Before we left the Ladies, I said bye to her and started walking out. She then continued asking, "So you all really don't love me enough to eat with me?" Buddy and I heard her, but we left without saying a thing. We felt bad afterwards, but we really didn't want to eat with another person and end up talking about work. So shrugged the thought off and went for our lunch. And guess what? We ended up at the same lunch place at that colleague who was with another colleague. They didn't join us of course. They got the hint.

A few days later, the same awkward situation happened. 2 colleagues came by to our side of the office and one (let's call her A) asked me if I wanna have lunch. I said I'll go eat later. Colleague A then said, "Oh you waiting for [insert buddy's name here] huh?" I didn't answer her but Colleague B asked, "You all dating each other huh?" Again, I kept quiet. Then buddy said, "Yah! I'm dating [insert my name here]." To salvage the situation, I said to the 2 colleagues that next time they go to a particular place, we'll go each together.

After everyone left, buddy and I were quite annoyed by how things have turned out when it's just a simple lunch! We used to go for lunch in big groups, but somehow we just steered away from everyone else. And we thought we've already long established this fact! Maybe we are anti-social, but we just want to have our own peaceful little lunch where we can take a breather and let our hair down to whine and gripe.

Thanks, but no thanks.

// she's beautifully chaotic at 5:56 PM >>

Sunday, August 16, 2009
This must be the longest hiatus ever — 2 months. I've lost the urge, the interest the energy to blog somehow, although my shopping blog still stays rather active. Haha!

Many things happened during the past 2 months. The good, the bad. The happy, the sad. You can imagine how much of a roller coaster ride it has been for me. Emotions of course, went out of control. Just last week, my mood swings were so bad that I was throwing tantrums at my buddy. I felt so bad about it afterwards that I wrote a letter to her, or love note as she has called it. Haha!

In the letter, I apologised for my atrocious behaviour towards her and told her how grateful I am to have her around and to have struck up a friendship beyond colleagues, beyond office...you get the drift. She only got to read the letter later that night, and she dropped me an SMS which was very meaningful to me. She mentioned how only good friends show their true emotions to each other and that I do not have to feel bad towards her coz she had her bad moments and vented it out at me before. True enough, we all had our bad moments before and we'll just take turn to be each others venting outlet.

I guess this is a truely strong friendship that tolerates through all. Buddy, thank you for being there for me. Love ya! <3

// she's beautifully chaotic at 1:44 AM >>

Monday, June 01, 2009
May has been an extremely eventful month for me with too many things happening to me over the past 31 days. They came so fast I can't tell if I was even part of it. It was helluva roller coaster ride for me. I'm still in a daze.

Completed a major task at work in early-May. It was madness, but at least I know I was appreciated and the hardwork paid off. Info's embargoed, so I can't say much. All in all, it's a piece of good news. I don't sound extremely happy or excited I know, the happiness just sort of died off I guess. Ha! But I was jumping and screaming with my boss when the good news first came in.

Other than dealing with happy things, I had to deal with bad ones. I had to deal with a death in the family. I'm alright now, so not to worry. Then, another piece of good news came in for me at work. I can't say much now either, coz it's not exactly confirmed yet. So yeah, no details for now. Taking things as they come. If it's meant to to be mine, it will eventually be mine. If it doesn't happen, maybe it's a blessing in disguise.

I dunno why, but I've been quite nonchalant about things around me these days. Buddy, at the same time is extremely "switched-off" as well. The two of us are like two jaded souls ticking our lives away at work. Not that there are no work to be done, but we've learnt to let go of things.

It's sad isn't it? When you lose that passion and drive you used to have in your work. And each time you try to pick yourself up, someone comes along and crushes you down. So why bother?

// she's beautifully chaotic at 11:56 PM >>

Friday, May 01, 2009
TGIF! Moreover, a public holiday! But after today, the next public holiday's like in August? Anyhow, let me just enjoy this long weekend first.

Life's been pretty crazy these days. What life anyway?! Nothing but work work work. Like what I saw on my colleague's Facebook status, she commented that she has no social life. That's what most of us have been lately. I've been eating lunch at like 5 or 6pm, leaving office at 9pm. Well, 8pm when I'm lucky. Lunch has become dinner, and dinner has become supper. My mum even asked me the other day, "Why are you so busy?" I could only sigh and tell her, "Too many things at work."

Indeed, there are too many things to be done at work. Things happening all at the same time, unfair work allocation, shortage of manpower, increased responsibility. And the list goes on. Just the other day, buddy broke down at work. We were the only two left in office at about 10pm. We usually wait for each other and go home together, but she mentioned that she's not done with work yet and that I can leave first if I want to. I was feeling damn tired that night too, so I decided to go off first. As we were talking, she got more frustrated with the stuffs she was working on and started crying.

I stood next to her silently, handed her a wad of tissue and left her alone for awhile as I went to the toilet. I came back and told her I'll wait for her and accompany her till she's done. We left at around 11pm that night. Work has been really tough on her and it pains me each time I see her getting so vexed and frustrated over work. I miss those happier days we used to have in the office, where we could chit-chat, bitch, gossip and joke freely. Sigh!

Anyhow, I'm off to shower now...meeting buddy for movie later this evening. Getting our mind off work for awhile, but actually half the time, we still talk about work. Haha!

// she's beautifully chaotic at 5:23 PM >>

Saturday, April 04, 2009
Alright, I'm back from Taiwan. I dun sound excited do I? Of course I'm not!!!!!! I so bloody miss Taiwan! I think my trip was miserably short man! Boooohoooo!

Anyhow, I apologise for that really abrupt post I made on 25 March. I was at the boarding gate in Changi Airport and suddenly remember I did not make my signature post of saying bye bye before I go off for my holiday! So, I logged on at the computer and made that hasty post when everyone else were already boarding the plane. I thought I would have the time to make another proper post when I reach Hong Kong (I took a transit flight from Hong Kong to Taiwan), but the time was shorter than I thought, so that post just ended there.

Back to Taiwan. I'm still downloading and editing my photos. Will post some generic ones when I am inspired to do so. In the meantime, you can proceed to my shopping diary to take a look at what I bought from Taiwan.

I can't say I totally enjoyed my trip, but I can't deny the fact that I had fun too. All in all, it was a good trip albeit too bloody f*cking short! The bulk of our time was spent on travelling from one place to another. Bus journeys were an average of three hours, train journey at about two hours. The killer was to Alishan. We took two hours by bus and another four hours by train, and I had to lug my 10kg luggage up the damn mountain coz a section of the old train track was broken. I thought I'll just die in Alishan or something.

Anyhow, now that I'm back, I miss Taiwan! Or I should say I miss having a holiday. March was crazily busy for me and everything came too fast for me to handle. I had lectures to attend, projects to finish, project meetings to attend, project mates to deal with, work to complete, boss(es) to please, holiday to go for (I'm not complaining on this one), and exam to mug for. And now, everything's over.

Taking a slight breather for the time being, coz work's gonna be damn crazy again. I foresee more work coming coz my boss just asked me the other day when my exam is ending and I stupidly told her (last) Friday. Damn! I should have just said never.

Heading back to work on Monday, with nothing to look forward to...sigh!

// she's beautifully chaotic at 11:48 PM >>

Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Just a quick post to say I'm flying to Taipei in less than 30 minutes time! Waiting to board the plane now & I'll be transferring flight at Hong Kong. So, laters at Hong Kong!

// she's beautifully chaotic at 7:39 AM >>

Saturday, March 14, 2009
It's been more than a month (again) since I last made any progress with this blog. The reason why I'm here at this time is, I was supposed to meet my mates for our project discussion, but it got cancelled at the last minute. Since I woke up much earlier than I would usually have, I am officially annoyed. So yeah, I'm ranting. At the same time, waiting for my buddy to call me. We could've gone out for movies if not for the damn meeting!

On another note, I have an annoucement to make. I'm going Taiwan for a holiday the end of this month! It's long and complicated to explain how it all started, but I am going Taiwan! Since I can't go Japan (again) to view the cherry blossoms (again), I shall settle for Alishan. Hahaha!

Am travelling with my buddy, our second overseas trip together and boy am I glad we are going further — from Malacca to Taiwan. (Actually it's amazing and lucky that we can both apply leave and disappear from work together. By now you should've realised we are colleagues too.) We originally planned to go Japan this October, but it's likely to be pushed back to next year coz I MIGHT be going Hokkaido this July. So I'm frantically saving up on my annual leave and moolah.

I shall be a good girl and shop moderately. I have been doing so actually. My last purchase (non-neccessity) was only 11 bucks and it was on Monday. I'm doing good aren't I?

// she's beautifully chaotic at 10:22 AM >>

a m o u r - p r o p r e

| snapped / 03052008 / mono-vanity |

she feels today

i am who i am
80s baby . overworked . underpaid . communicator. nihonjin tai-tai wannabe . nippon freak . green tea lover . glutton . otaku . bitchy . loud . vivacious . nocturnal . introspective . hime . misanthropic . anal . cranky . unpredictable . little-miss-shop-alot

i have a thing for
shopping . photography . people-watching . travelling . music . words . jdorama . soups . keitai sutorappu . pouches . milk-tea . green-tea . freedom . pink . Japan . moolah

i have something against
insects . darkness . queue-cutting idiots . crowds . being nagged at . lack-of-moolah . waking up early . condescending assholes . the smell of food, ciggies & alchohol in her hair . bootlickers . liars . control freaks





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