Sunday, July 06, 2008
Taking a break from watching my Japanese dramas. It seems to be the only thing that can make my mind totally at a relaxed state.
I used to just watch one drama at one point of time, but I've mastered the skill of watching 3 different series at the same time. The DVD piece is for watching on weekends only (since I do not have DVD player in my room, I watch it on Saturday afternoons and Sunday evenings after my Japanese class) and the online ones are for me to watch during weekday nights, in the comfort of my own room. I seriously think I will DIE without my Japanese dramas. No matter how busy I am (rushing work at home and all), I make it a point to stop whatever I'm doing and watch at least 1 episode of my drama. Thank god for them, I'm keeping sane.
Speaking of which, I was on an emotional and mental roller-coaster ride for the past few days. I broke down again at work, over 2 consecutive days. Sometimes I wonder if it's because I've become weaker, or am I just being more and more harsh to myself that I over-stretched and snapped.
I've more or less stabilised, but no where near full recovery. I might not ever go back to what I was ever again. I'm losing myself, I'm losing direction, I'm losing drive, I'm losing control. Maybe I'm just not as capable as I thought I would be. I'm asking myself the question again, "Is this all worth it?" Till the day I can give myself a confident answer, I have zero options.
Sounds like I need another holiday.
// she's beautifully chaotic at 4:27 AM >> 